Everyone likes to be appreciated — to know that something about us or what we do is seen, noticed and has an impact on someone else.
Appreciation in this context is more than simply noticing. It means that someone is affected by us or what we do on a physical, emotional or spiritual level; that someone has gone beyond just noticing and considered what impact we are having on them. Appreciation is a connection between the appreciator and the person or thing being appreciated.
I’ve seen this sort of appreciation have an almost magical impact on people, changing the dynamics of a situation from argument and anger to openness and agreement in just a few moments. I think back on all the times I sat in meetings picking apart a colleague’s position that differed from mine, readying my counter-arguments, jaw tightening and pulse racing as I waited for the chance to pounce. Then, if I took a minute to notice and appreciate something about them – the clarity of their presentation, their passion for their viewpoint, their command of the facts – I noticed the aggressive energy drain from my body and I was able to have a dispassionate discussion with them, still disagreeing, perhaps, but feeling closer to them as a well-meaning colleague rather than an interloper bent on my destruction.
Appreciation’s quality of connection, of calling out that connection and explicitly recognizing the validity and impact of the other person or thing changes both the appreciated and the appreciator. It’s harder to view someone as your opponent if they have connected with you in a concrete way.
And yet, appreciation is one of the work world’s rarest commodities. I’ve heard dozens of reason to justify not giving or receiving more appreciation (and used many of them myself over the years). See if any of these are familiar:
- Too much praise or good feeling will make people lazy.
- People will think I am buttering them up to get something from them later.
- I’ll sound insincere if I’m always telling people what I appreciate about them.
- It’s not macho to give or accept appreciation.
- I get all the appreciation I need in my paycheck
- It just sounds stupid.
Most workplaces are starved for appreciation. The closest thing to appreciation many workers get is merit pay increases, employee of the month awards and 20-year-service trophies — rote attempts at behavioral modification so impersonally calculated that they only highlight the lack of meaningful engagement between colleagues.
Appreciation is good business
This is a huge missed opportunity for American business and American workers. Appreciation costs nothing (and is more effective at creating high performance than increasing pay). Appreciation creates real connection between people and increases employee engagement with their jobs. Study after study shows that real connection in the workplace drives better business results. And appreciation is just plain fun and inspiring.
The move from a culture of under-appreciation to one of full appreciation can net big benefits in productivity for the company, and increased satisfaction on and off the job for employees. All it takes is some conscious attention on noticing, appreciating and sharing those appreciations for the things and people we come across every day.
Try this as a first step
Pick a colleague (boss, employee, the person sitting next to you, etc.) and focus your attention on them in your mind. Think about the things they do that help the business or your team. Go beyond the superficial (“Nice tie.”) and focus on what really stands out for you. Notice any body sensations or emotions you have as you appreciate what they do. Then form this mass of appreciation into a sentence like: “I appreciate you for the contribution you make to our team by _________________ .”
That alone should change your state of mind for the better and lead to higher engagement with the object of your appreciation (and everyone else). But to really increase the power, verbally communicate your appreciation to the person involved.
Go find the person you are appreciating and get their attention. (Many attention-averse people will try the Drive-by Appreciation or the Stealth Appreciation as a way to avoid actual connection.) You want this to land.
Take a breath and in one out-breath tell them what you appreciate about them. That’s it — no long speech, no love fest, no insincere panegyrics. Just say what you noticed and appreciated the same way you communicate any other essential business information.
Note that an appreciation is not the same as a thank you. It’s not a pat on the back. It’s not given with any expectation of return.
Let your appreciation sink in for half a beat and then resume your regularly scheduled programming.
You’re on your way to creating a culture of appreciation.
(If you really want to super-charge your culture of appreciation, drop me a line.)